Alone
by hundan
Summary: Tony DiNozzo is alone and there is only one person who will ever be right for him


Anthony DiNozzo had no physical contact with anyone these days, except for the occasional slap to the back of the head from Gibbs. He was lonely. Being lonely was really by his decision to be honest, he could have a girlfriend or a flame if he tried, he just didn't. He has reasons to why he is alone, he fell in love with Jeanne, he really shouldn't have let himself do that but what he was pretending with her made him fell good, he had only ever really had quick relationships nothing so serious but he found out he liked it and that is why he so blindly fell for Jeanne. After that he didn't want simple one-nighters anymore but his heart was so broken after Jeanne that he wasn't ready to let his heart open to people. He sat lonely day by day the only woman he really saw and communicated with strongly on a regular bases was Ziva.

That is when he became fixated with her. Yes he had always had a feeling about her but he didn't know what that was. When they met there was an instant connection between them, they had always flirted and got in each others personal space, they both found it intoxicating. But as they grew older and had grown to know each other they would never really act on a real feeling, they where protecting each other and their partnership to not just sleep together. But know he was fixated on her he wanted nothing but her; he fantasised about her and thought about her constantly. When Ziva left him and went back to Israel he was left rudderless with no direction, when he finds out her ship had gone down and they believe she is dead, only then does he develop a purpose, one just as Gibbs had for Shannon and Kelly, Vengeance.

When he found she was alive he was absolutely filled with the will to live for something, he really couldn't live without her. When they brought her back and she joined NCIS leaving Mossad he couldn't be happier that she would not return to Mossad and be taken from him, she would be right there opposite him at work everyday and for now he was happy with that. But he realises it isn't enough; he becomes possessive over Ziva when he watches her interact with Damon Werth. Then he was could feel a pang of jealously when Detective McCadden was trying to flirt with her and she absently did it right back, she didn't do that as much with him as she used to and he missed that. He felt like old times watching the movie with her, they were at work though, but when you are rebuilding things that have broken you have to start small right? When she said 'you are my friend' he felt good, even though she said no when he asked her if that was true, but he knew she was playing off a conversation into something more by saying no, they had always done that. He could tell how the loneliness and no physical contact affected him when he met the prostitute undercover when Holly Snow was involved with NCIS, everyone could properly tell.

He got so bothered by Charlotte even when she slapped him, he had almost forgotten what contact with a woman felt like. But later when he tried to resolve some of the day's tension in his bed alone all he could picture or think about was Ziva when he did. It told him he really needed her, physically and emotionally. Tony had only went on a date with Brenda Bittner because he thought he should at least try move on from Ziva as he was becoming seriously frustrated with being alone and he needed contact with someone, but it didn't work, Brenda just didn't have the effect on him like Ziva did. He had slept with Brenda but it was because he was so frustrated and he hadn't been with anyone in such a long time he was getting restless at night, but it was weird when he slept with Brenda he kept thinking about Ziva, and he knew he couldn't move on from Ziva if he pictured her when he slept with another woman. As he told McGee and Ziva it was just that one night.

He hadn't realised how obsessed he had become with Dana, he figured his sexual requirements were not the only thing that was left in the dark alone, his heart was too and he was desperate to bring it out of the dark, but Dana didn't really help it in the end, no one would but Ziva. Ziva asked if he was 'looking for Miss Right' and asked what she would be like, he pretty much describe Ziva. And no he wasn't looking for her he had found her, he just didn't think he could have her and no one else worked for him like she did. After he tried to full the voids he had and failed he knew he would never be happy with anyone but her, and he was beginning to fade away from the pain of his loneliness.

That's when he decided he would risk it all just to see if she felt the way he did so he could be happy, if she didn't he would live a lonely life or never be fully satisfied with someone, but to see her happy would be good enough reason to do that. He was so nervous about it, he had been parked outside her apartment the past three nights and had sat there and wanted to go up but hadn't, but as he sat there on the fourth night thinking over everything he decided it was now or never and he exited his mustang and walked up the stairs to her apartment. It was so out of character for him, his hands were slightly shaking as he softly knocked on her door. She opened the door and as soon as she did he got more confident and more nervous all in one. Ziva noticed something wasn't right with him as he stood there just looking at her.

"Tony are you ok?" he closed his eyes and nodded then looked back at her and with a shaky voice he spoke

"I just wanted to tell you something" she studied him wondering what he was doing

"Is it a short or a long thing?" he cleared his throat

"Um long" she noticed that he was nervous for some reason and slightly shaky

"Well come in then" and she stepped aside for him and he entered hesitantly. She closed the door behind him

"Would you like a drink?" he shock his head

"No thanks" she held he hand to the couch

"Take a set and then you can tell me what you need to tell me" he did so. She sat down next to him and faced him; he was looking at his hands while he nervously fidgeted with them.

"I have been thinking a lot lately and I really need to say this…" he was having trouble actually saying what he needed saying, and she noticed. He still wasn't looking at her and he was fidgeting with his hands. She reached out and put her hands over his to hold them still

"Tony look at me" he slowly lifted his head and looked into her eyes "Tell me what it is you need to say" his eyes were strong with emotion

"Im lonely Ziva" Ziva was trying to read him

"Why are you lonely Tony?" Tony sighed and his eyes looked slightly teary

"Because Ziva my heart had been damaged and I didn't lend it out to anyone again, then my heart found someone but has never been given to them. So I am lonely because no one else works for me, no one can fill that void in my heart except for that one person" Ziva had never thought Tony felt like this, she thought he was happy with his love life, apparently he was not, he was really hurting

"Why are you not with this person if you cannot do without them?" if Tony wasn't emotionally as strong as Ziva knew he was she would think he would cry right now with that look in his eyes

"I do not know if they will ever want me, they could have anyone they wanted and a chump like me isn't the best they could get" he dropped his head down looking away from Ziva. He sniffled a few times and she pushed his chin up with her finger so he would look at her again. His eyes were watery

"You are a great person Tony, anyone would be lucky to have you, do not think you are not good enough. You should tell her how you fell" he had her word that she thought he should tell her so here goes nothing

"Do you really think I should?" she nodded and lightly smiled

"Yes I believe you should" at that Tony turned his hands into hers and interlocked his fingers with hers. She started to see were he was going so she squeezed her fingers against his

"Ziva…I'm talking about you…" she was surprised he was this emotionally disturbed by her, but she was glad because to be honest she hadn't seen anyone since she had got back from Somalia because she really couldn't, he was what was stopping her she just never thought he felt the same. But now she did

"You really feel this way Tony?" he nodded his head

"Yes I tried to move on but nothing worked, no one can be what you mean to me" she brought one hand up to his cheek and caressed it with her thumb

"Well you do not have to be lonely ever again Tony, I need you as much as you need me" he smiled and a single tear ran down his cheek, seeing him cry made her start to tear up and as he lent his forehead against hers she let out a shaky laugh as a tear also escaped her eyes, he also let out a shaky laugh as he lent down and softly pressed his lips against hers. His hand came up to cup her face. The kiss deepened as his tongue begged its entrance, she complied willingly. He angled her face just right to deepen the kiss that much more, she moaned at the contact. She moved and repositioned herself so she was now straddling his lap; his hands roamed her back with caress. He lent his head back and looked at her, her lips were slightly swollen and there was a trail down her cheek where her tear had fallen. He tucked a curl behind her ear

"I desire you so much, everyday" she kissed him and held her lips to his for what felt like forever before she pulled back

"You can have me as much as you desire Tony; no one else will ever mean what you do to me"

"To lose you is to never love again" he pulled her tightly against him in a hug, never wanting to let go. Her face nuzzled into his neck as he ran his hand through her hair. Now these days Tony had physical contact all the time, he was never lonely he always had Ziva. He would hold her, kiss her and make love to her, he would never be happier in his whole life. She filled his heart and his physical need, bringing him from out of the dark. He was now a new man, a happy man that was warm and madly in love with his partner. He would never want anything more in his life except for her, Ziva David was his saviour.

**I was going to add another chapter onto my other story but I just had a feeling to write this instead. It is based on Tony and the emotional journey he has gone through over the years. Hope you enjoy. PLEASE REVIEW on what you think.**

**Hundan**


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